Advice and Illumination that Made Turning 40 Easier

Medium editor Brian Rosta proposed a writer’s challenge for the publication The Second Half (of our lives) ― “What I Wish I Had Known at Forty.” My answer to that is a montage of three occasions when I got great advice or insight in the first half of my life that carried me through the second half. I describe three different phases of my development, where I received illumination that has persisted through the years.

All Bible quotations are NIV, copied from biblegateway.com.

Number one. A dad’s important lesson

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I was four or five years old around 1949 or 1950. My father was an airline pilot, so he was away a lot, and I guess he wanted a little father-daughter time, so he took me with him to downtown Los Altos, California. We were just outside a store, waiting to go in, but had to step back to allow an elderly man being pushed in a wheelchair to pass out first. I blurted out, “Oh, no, a wheelchair,” and scowled appropriately. The man and his aide looked at me aghast.

When he was gone, my father squatted down and looked me in the eye. “Janet, why did you say such a thing? That was mean and rude.” I couldn’t give a good answer. I didn’t know why I said that, but suddenly the weight of it was bearing down on me. “Don’t ever say stuff like that again. That’s terribly hurtful.” Soon I was crying.

Jesus Christ wouldn’t have said it any differently or with any other tone of voice. The impact was so strong that I can still see the incident this very day. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to be raised by that good and gentle man because when I was just past 6 years old, he died in a plane crash.

The greatest commandment in the entire Bible―love God and love thy neighbor―and the two are wedded together to produce all the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5:22-23: “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

It’s the best legacy that he left me. Kindness to all and respect for all honor God and bring forth the fruits of peace and prosperity in the nation.

It’s easier said than done to love our neighbor because religion often gets in the way. What if they’re gay or transgender or have a wrong doctrinal belief or voted for the “ungodly” party or have the wrong color of skin? What if they’re a criminal like the cartel leaders or the guy who scammed grandma out of her life savings?

We aren’t required to love everyone emotionally or accept their dogma or lifestyle. Agape love is not an emotion. So, how do we fulfill that important commandment?

Jesus made it real simple. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to sort it all out. The Holy Spirit walks beside us to help us do that, but it helps to have a dad who starts you off on the right foot.

Number two, who is the high priest of the home?

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When I accepted Christ as a college student in 1965, I had several significant nurturing influences in my life. One was the woman who led me to Christ who taught me this important lesson: “When a truth becomes a doctrine, it becomes an error.”

She meant that something we believe about God or the Bible can be worthwhile in one context, but when a denomination solidifies that belief to cover all circumstances, in which the belief or tenet becomes the point rather than fixing a problem, it becomes counterproductive.

Consider sugar and salt. Both are white, granular staples with preservative qualities, but they have diverse purposes. So, nation A is famous for its pastries. Sugar served them so well that they banished salt and ordered that sugar be used for all pastries, meat, and vegetables. Nation B provides beef and other meat. Salt served them so well that they sweetened all their meat. Absurd, right?

In the late 60s, I was finishing up my undergraduate degree at San Jose State College and was attending an Assembly of God church. The AofG college group, Chi Alpha, had two full-time mentors. As I was walking on campus with one of them, the topic of Christian marriage arose, and I expressed the tenet that “of course, the husband is the high priest of the home.” Dick Williams totally shocked me with his response.

“Well, actually, we need to think about that a bit more. If God is no respecter of persons, and we have Jesus Christ as Redeemer and High Priest, why do we need to want a priest of any kind in the home? Christ is the Head of the Body. I think the idea of males being high priests is wrong.”

I could only gasp and stutter when I heard that. I was committed to becoming St. Janet, the perfect Bible-adhering Christian who would bring down the glory of God by exercising great faith and obeying every word and rule in the inerrant Bible, including rules about women not wearing pants, ear bobs, and makeup. I did manage to answer that I thought he was wrong, but I would ponder the question prayerfully. I considered that he might be right, and if he is, there is a principle involved that goes beyond that one dogma.

Time and education verified for me that Dick was right. If, according to Paul, there is no male or female (Gal. 3:28), how can one gender suppress the other or be a channel to God for the other?

2 Cor 3:16-18:

¹⁶ But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. ¹⁷ Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸ And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Glory is not a gender thing. It’s a Spirit thing.

Col. 2:16-17, 22:

¹⁶ Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. ¹⁷ These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ….²² These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings.

Jesus didn’t honor every Mosaic rule. There were some he overturned―eg., an eye for an eye and the food laws. If Moses could say things that Jesus didn’t honor, maybe Paul could too.  

Three:  Finding God, and being found by him

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As a young adult, I was a member of the working poor. I was such an odd kind of person, I wondered if I would ever fit into this life in any meaningful way. I despaired of ever finding a husband to fit my weirdness.

I had a friend who was a single mother of three young children who was poorer than I. My mother and I had a trip planned to Carmel. We visited a golf course there which was beside the ocean. I thought it would be fun to find a seashell on the beach to add to her small collection of shells. I really prayed to find an abalone shell.

The strand of beach was full of broken clam and mussel shells. They were all the same, and not of good quality. Finally I prayed, “Lord, I see I’ve asked you for a hard thing. There’s no way there’ll be an abalone shell on this beach.” I gave up the search and just continued wandering. It was a beautiful day, and the lapping waves were a symphony of sound.

At one point, I approached a man who was gazing at something in his hand. He looked up at me and said, “I found this abalone shell.” I thought, “That’s nice.” “You can have it if you like,” he said. “Um…well, yes, thanks.”

As I reached for it, the Lord seemed to whisper in my heart, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

The shell meant more to me than to my friend, because I took it as a lesson to never underestimate what God can do for those who put their trust in him. And yes, I eventually found a husband and had two wonderful sons.

Jeremiah 32:27:

“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”